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As the ever-passionate Flatpack Professor, I’ve taken it upon myself to scour the internet for fascinating stories about the worst in flat pack assembly fails. What I’ve found is horrifying (to me), but may be a good lesson (for you) about why it’s wise to leave flat pack assembly to the professionals.

•   What do you mean there’s another box!? — It is an all-too-common mistake to end up halfway through assembly of “Box 1 of 2”, with no “Box 2 of 2” in sight. This came to a head when one man posted about his assembly of a child’s bed for his daughter. When it came time to go to sleep, they discovered the slats for the mattress were “conveniently” packaged separately. Of course, they didn’t have the second box. Enjoy the floor, kid!

•   Do you think I’m missing something? — I have to stop myself from banging my head against a wall when I hear stories of people carefully winding their screws tight, after minutes of careful concentration, only to discover they forgot to include the second piece to attach! The leg of your desk is now tightly screwed to… itself, and nothing else.

   Is that how this works? — There are stories for days about people screwing chair legs on upside down. I’ll save you some time in trying: no, this is not an effective method for assembling a usable chair.

•   Nightmare at 30,000 Millimetres — This one is a true tragedy. After poor installation of a flat pack kitchen, shelves came crashing down, and delicate kitchenware came tumbling to the ground. A terrible mess ensued. For the love of flat packs, please let me assemble your kitchen for you.

If you’d like to avoid these mistakes (and possibly many more) I’m available for flat pack assembly Sydney wide. Your furniture will stay strong and sturdy, without the hassle, tears, and shouting at the sky that typical flatpack assembly incurs.  You’re welcome!